Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Another Gay Post

This is a second predecessor to what I hope will be a book later on. The first predecessor is a small essay named “The Fierce Arm of Coercion” And I do believe that that name will stay on as the title of the book. A subtitle would be something along the lines of “How Gay Rights Activists are Damaging the Quality of Life of Gay People in America” Or something equally . . . infuriating.

Now, this is more of a series of observations that I’ve made over time. Not exactly a research paper or anything of the kind. The main observation though, is that the liberal (If you permit the use of the word) more . . . progressive and open-minded people are actually far more homophobic than the Conservatives they oh so enjoy ripping on. Now, this is not baseless, and it is counter-intuitive.

But I do have examples. The first is of course, the reactions I get when I mention that I want to be POTUS. Out of every, say, 100 encounters, I get 40 of them asking me about my platform and saying that I have their support (and about half of them volunteer to help me out), 30 of them tell me that republicans will never vote for me, and that my platform doesn’t even matter (they also tell me that I am seriously wrong), and about 20 will tell me that they need to talk to me more, and 10 will say that my platform needs work. Here is the kicker:

The 40 consider themselves Conservatives, the 30 consider themselves Liberal, the 20 are Independents and the 10 are seriously undecided. Upon discovering that I’m gay, the Conservatives shrug and usually reply with a combination of “Hate the sin, not the sinner” or “Nobody is perfect”

Liberals ask how I can be so misguided and how can I possibly reconcile my economic ideology with the fact that I’m gay.

I do find this to be amusing. Vastly so. So, I have discovered that to Conservatives, even vastly religious ones, I am an intellectual, a politician and man who has a good life, but has made some questionable life choices. To Liberals, I am a gay who has no idea what’s going on in the real world. So, to recap:

A gay who is stupid vs. a brilliant man who happens to be gay . . . and people still think Liberals are gay friendly!? Someone please explain to me how that works!

So, now that I’ve given an overview of the more . . . political part of my observations, I do have to go to the everyday bullsh*t I have to go through. I am a proud man, and I refuse to be made ashamed by something like my skin color, heritage, sexual orientation or anything else that some liberal idiot has decided matters for some odd reason. But I have recently found myself being afraid of admitting that I’m gay. Why? Because I am going to be discriminated against. It’s that simple. However, it is not the Conservative Bloc I blame; it is not the religious communities. I blame the people who decided, for some odd reason, that the fact that I am gay is somehow important . . . it is defining of me somehow. Being gay has stopped being about who you date, who you sleep with, who you live with, its become about how you eat, how you live, how you vote, what you believe. Being gay somehow twists the world into a beast where more government control is good, where traditions of any kind are evil, where the correct is made evil, where life itself is wrong. Gay makes the world a different place. No longer women more natural nurturers, or men more athletic, the mere idea of this is evil. Immoral. Gay makes the world a place where natural law is good when I says that gay just happens, but wrong when it says that men enjoy sports more than women. It says that it’s ok for women to chose, but only if they chose as they will it, because clearly, no woman would want to be a mother.

All of these things, having no providence in the realm of romance, is now of crucial importance to the fact that I’m gay. So I have to ask, who high jacked my life and made it a target for people’s shooting practice?

The obvious answer is: The Religious Right. The truth? The Psychotic Left. This can easily be construed as a coincidence. After all, Correlation does not Imply Causation. SO, this brings me to the claim of my observations, the tying it all together, this is what is really going to get me angry replies and screams: Liberals are magnanimously more homophobic than Conservatives. And the claim that’s going to get me shot: Gays hate themselves. That’s it; no one hates them more than they hate themselves. The one thing that I refuse to do, the one thing that they do not understand, the simple fact that they’re groveling is nothing more than an act of self-loathing.

So, part one: Liberals are far more homophobic than the Conservatives, well, I already said this: A Gay vs. a Man with questionable choices, A Gay vs. a Man. That’s all. I do believe this explains why Liberals place so much emphasis on sexuality. They are terrified and disgusted by it. Their crusades are nothing more than a clever cover for their need to hate something. The same thing I would claim about feminists, they hate women.

The second part: Gays hate themselves. This is the only reason I can think of that would explain their sheer need to point out that they’re gay. Not just that they’re gay, but also explain their need to have this simple and secondary fact define their entire existence. So instead of owning up that they’re not normal, they flaunt it with such painful effectiveness that even other gay people feel disgusted. So this is why I have started to feel the need to hide the fact that I’m gay, not because of my fellow Conservatives, but because the Gay Rights Psychos will not be able to resist the urge to associate me with them and their flawed ideologies.

So there it is. A simple predecessor to a far more complex and researched project, one aimed not at securing more liberties for gays at the expense of everyone else, but one at securing everyone’s rights from the gay rights movement. One that states it clearly and simply: you’re not special, you’re just human, get over yourself. You get no special rights, and most especially not when it’s at the expense of the people you claim to help.



Gay Characters in Comic Books

(Facebookers, please ignore the double posting)

I always thought I hated comic books. As a kid I avoided shows like X-men and Batman and TNMT, and I have no idea why. Point being, until my favorite kick ass Vampire slayer (Anita Blake) was turned into a comic book, I never read any comics at all. After Anita, I picked up X-Men: The End, and I was stricken with Emma Frost, after that I went on to explore more interesting characters, and actually bought comics for the first time in my life (as a 19 year old no less) I fell in love with Sabretooth, Emma Frost, Mystique, the Silver Surfer, Storm and especially with Deadpool (“Do I still think in those little boxes? Oh how I missed you, what fun we shall have!”)

Shortly after Anita Blake came out, I thought of transferring my favorite creation (Merrick Anatole Silvak) from novel to comic book, I even wrote a small script and drew a small story board that sucked and I scrapped, along with the script. I suspected that the majority of comic book readers (male, straight, teens-thirties) would really not be too interested in a megalomaniacal gay sorcerer (if at all) So I moved on to writing short stories and fantasy novels that included strong leading female and gay characters, ignoring the comic aspect of speculative fiction.

I eventually came up with my new favorite creation, a bisexual teen living vampire named Kevin James Lancaster (no, I did not intend for it too sound like Harry James Fucking Potter, it just unfortunately happened) and then I really wanted to see a bi character in a comic. Then on June 1st, someone told me about American Comic’s first gay kiss between Rictor  and Shatterstar*

So, I googled (I LOVE google, you can know the basics of virtually anything in a manner of minutes!!) and found that there is a medium sized list of gay superheroes that I was unaware off (I was aware of Emma Frost’s brother Christian, but that’s it, and he had no powers)

First off on the list was obviously Batman and Robin, which is just speculation and the creators deny it, and I myself don’t believe it, but apparently, many people do believe it.

Then on the list is the uber-flamboyant, HIV-positive Hispanic Extrano (Strange in English) in 1988. He could use magic and I consider him generally not interesting.

Alan Moore (one of my favorite comic writers) was the next one to explore Gay and Lesbian Themes in V for Vendetta and Watchmen (That’s probably why he’s a favorite of mine, plus he’s British). At about the same time that The Sandman ( Neil G-something, the same dude who wrote Stardust I think, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m writing from memory here) was exploring themes of transexuality.

Then came Apollo (a superman archetype character) and Midnighter (a batman archetype character) who actually got married and adopted a daughter. I am personally not a fan of Apollo, but Midnighter’s violent take on life I very much enjoy. (I likewise hate both Batman and Superman, I am very much a Marvel kind of person) At this point I realized that Marvel’s giant leap forward was actually long after Apollo and Midnighter got married. Apparently, the Big Gay Kiss happened in the year 2000. Windstorm the publisher of the comic is related legally somehow to DC, and I can’t bloody figure out how. Oh and they’re a British Branch. So no American.

Because I’m on a DC roll, I would like to add now, that the newest incarnation of Batwoman (Kate K-something) is lesbian, and since I’m not a DC comics person, I really don’t know much about that.  (and DC seems generally homophobic, except for Apollo and Midnighter).

But I do know that the amazing Mystique (we’re talking Marvel now, so this I do know) and Destiny (who can tell the future and is blind, wow, big surprise) were lovers, but it was all hush-hush because of Marvel’s ridiculous “no gay” rule. I am not too sure how I feel about the whole sensitive Destiny, very feminine and kick-ass bitch Mystique all in control of the world being a couple because it seems to play too much on the whole masculine lesbian, feminine lesbian, masculine gay, effeminate gay thing. But overall, since I love Mystique, I am willing to overlook what as Moore calls it “that strange attitude towards gays” oh, and Destiny, who I previously hinted that I believed was a boring character, was murdered, so Mystique is alone again.

Then I came across THE couple: Hulkling and Wiccan from Young Avengers (ok, when I said I hated DC I was omitting the Teen Titans) Hulkling is a teen version of the Hulk archetype (not a teenage Bruce whatshisname, just a similar personage ability wise) who is part Skrull and part something else who can shape shift, become somewhat Hulk-like and has the necessary healing factor to go with it (btw, I am not a huge fan of the Hulk or She-Hulk [horrible sexist name] but the 2008 movie was good, therefore I thought I would likewise hate a character named hulkling, but I was wrong) Wiccan is a teenage, male version of another favorite female character of mine, Scarlet Witch. And he totally kicks ass, just like Wanda, plus he’s a guy that adds points to his awesomeness. Their relationship was hinted at from the very beginning, but was confirmed in issue twelve (I think) when they had a very sentimental and cute and awesome set of panels where they decide they are dating, they should go looking for Scarlet Witch, take a trip together, et cetera. ( I can’t do the relationship justice in words).  I absolutely love this couple and I can’t wait for the peck on the cheek that has to come next (unless it already happened and I am already behind again, which happens all the freaking time!!) My favorite quotes from this pair are the following:

“My name’s Billy Kaplan and its official, I have the coolest boyfriend EVER!” – Wiccan


Wiccan: Why bother, he never listens

Hulkling: Hey, I heard that

Wiccan: Oh sure, NOW he listens.

Which I find adorable.

Anyway, in reading this I realized that Northstar is gay, which I someone managed to miss. I have absolutely no idea how I missed it, but I did. And in the Ultimate X-Men incarnation he dates Colossus, no joke. Other noteworthy gay characters in the Marvel universe (recent Marvel universe) are Anole, a lizard-type mutant who was supposed to commit suicide but didn’t cause he’s cool like that. Three characters who I had to wiki cause I have no bloody clue who they are: Phat, Vivisector (sounds too much like viviparous to me, made me laugh, get it? he’s gay and he’s called Vivisector?) and Bloke, all three characters are mercifully dead.  Also included in wiki’s list (which I found far too late in my writing) is someone named Graymalkin who sounds like a character with awesome potential (all of his abilities only work when he’s in the dark!!)  Anole by the way was mentored by Northstar (that was somehow important) Oh and a lesbian character named Karma was listed somewhere in there too.

Ok this brings about the end of my initial look into gay comic book characters. I have a few personal last words.

As a gay man living in America, I appreciate the fact that there are gay superheroes who do not remind me of the gay people I unfortunately know. I say this because I believe that people, gay, bi, straight, or asexual, are all meant to be self-reliant, strong-willed, self-assured and self-critical. Unfortunately, its rarely that I see a gay man be those things in real life, and too often am I reminded that stereotypes are born in reality and that all too often, people who would otherwise have unlimited potential, get caught up in these molds and never move beyond them. I feel like I am surrounded by weak-minded, shallow, emotional gays and lesbians who lose themselves in the stigma and the even worse “pride” that stands as a senseless act of alienation from the rest of society.  I enjoy the Young Avenger’s pairing of Billy and Ted because aside from dealing with real issues like coming out and homophobia, they also continue living as normal a life as any superhero can.

Why I am Taoist

Over the years, since as I was old enough to read, I have hungered for knowledge. Knowledge, my Dad always told me, is power, and as cliché as that sounds, he’s right. And that hunger has overwhelmed all of the other thing s that a human craves: acceptance, community, happiness, and just recently, spirituality. Perhaps the one thing I haven’t been able to lose is my ability to love, and that seriously bothers me.
My quest for knowledge brought me face-a-face with religion, and I soaked up what it had to teach. I’ve been Catholic, Mormon, Muslim, Pagan, and Agnostic, before I finally managed to see though all of the illusions, and wove my own. Catholicism has roots in paganism, Mormonism had roots in the Occult teachings of the Great Hermes, the same Hermes that taught Anton Le Vey and Alistair Crowley about the Demons of Hell and of the Satanic tradition, Islam was Judaism and Catholicism repackaged with hints of Arabian Paganism, Paganism was based on imagination and love. And every religion I’ve been a part (save Paganism) requires your fear and your blind adoration. They require that once you’ve accepted them, you cannot accept any other knowledge, and if you do, it must be though their filter. Religion, is indeed a virus, it drives men and women mad, insane with a pathetic urge to make life mean exactly what they want it to be. It drives them to embrace their own selfless ambitions and ideas because it gives them the illusion of power; it gives them something to back up their prejudices and their rage,
And that was one thing that I never managed to learn. My prejudices are backed up by me, my own selfish desires, not someone else’s. Agnosticism allowed me the luxury of apathy, but I grew sick of it, apathy can be beautiful, but most often it leaves a sour taste in your mouth. I wanted more, and I stumbled into Atheism, and my world made sense again.
As an atheist I grew, faster than I did before. The rules of other people began to fail to apply to me, everything began to evolve into something coherent and progressive, rather than obscene and repressive like faith. The great arguments that I listened to in religion became just mouth moving, uttering words that only make sense if you believe in other words, that on their own are just as meaningless as the first. Arguing with such men is futile, they circle around their lies like vultures around a corpse, and nothing can bring them down. I’m not saying its not fun to argue with them, but you never manage to get anywhere.
But I realized as I went along that everything I believed in, in a philosophical sense already had a name. It had a holy book, and that holy book had been in my possession for years: the Tao Te Ching of Laozi.
The Tao Te Ching is still my holy book of choice, its nothing really holy about it, its nothing more than 5000 Chinese characters written on paper, and overall it seems nothing more than a collection of poems. To others it s political manifesto, but to me, it’s a set of paradoxes that appear to be absurd to most, but those who have seen beyond their own illusions, it’s a guide, a subtle but firm guide that points in all directions at once. I believe that the Tao is something most people who can see though the illusion follow on their own, they don’t need the Tao Te Ching, but it helps. The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao. And so I follow the Tao as a philosophy, not as a religion. I am still an Atheist, but I am also a Taoist, I suspect tht before I graduate, I may even have lost the Tao and moved on, but that is also what I believed about Anam Cara, and I still (sadly) believe in that, despite the evidence against it (Patrik, Trevor, Tatum, Daniel)
To me Laozi and Zhuangzi are great teachers who much like Jesus, had an intelligence that far surpassed that of everyone else. They had vision, they had a truth in their eyes that could not be denied, a madness that can only be found when a human finds himself face to face with the undeniable reality of our world, beyond the illusions and the lies and the dreams that never seem to go away.

I feel, out of place in my world, the older generation seems hell-bent on holding on to their traditions, traditions that are nothing more than an overgrown and overstayed fad. And as I see younger people, I see the same mistakes, recycled again, with their own feverish idealism and a complete disregard for reality. When I see the older set, I feel a sense of pleasure knowing that soon they will be faced with rot and ash, their belief nothing but memories in the cosmos, their existence nothing more than a hint of the past. When I see the younger people around I feel sad, knowing that my life will be dictated to me by their collective naitivite. Some make me envious, that i can’t feel that sense of humility, sometimes I fear that I may crave that sentiment of happiness, of unitary. And then I see the shadows behind the spiraling minarets, I see the beggars in the alleys under the beautiful temples, and I remember that these young people only are one with the beauty and ignore the ugly. All the world knowing that beauty is beautiful makes ugliness. I hope that someday they realize that the higher they build and the higher they reach, the lower they drive other people, the deeper they are forced into the primal mud from which we came.

The Soloist.

After a disappointing Friday night, mainly after I found out that I was not getting two tickets for the Wolverine World Premiere, I decided to see a movie. So I went to the 12:20 am showing of The Soloist.

Right away I caught on to the whole schizophrenia thing right off. I really enjoyed Jamie Foxx’s role, and he pulled it off to perfection. He really did have the world on two strings!!

For me it was particularly nice because I know some of the homeless around ASU, we meet on the streets quite frequently, one of them for example has a PhD in anthropology, I learned a lot from him after sneaking into Jack in the Box to steal him a drink (technically it wasn’t stolen! I did nothing illegal!)

The idea of a genius homeless guy may seem strange to many, but its not to me. everywhere I go I see the homeless, and if I can, I learn their stories. Most of them don’t want to go back to “normal” society, they are quite content where they are. Often I wonder if they have stumbled upon a greater truth that i can’t see.

It reminds me of Madman from Hex and the City (Simon Green, wonderful author!) He was a genius who stumbled upon The Truth, the Truth were nothing can hide, and he went crazy and ended up on the street. That’s how most homeless are, they know something, and they’ve run away from all the madness and created their own.

Anyway, at one point in the film i got to laugh out loud at the audience. It was during a minute (possibly more) long period of synchronization between color and music that closely resembles the visualizations on Windows Media Player. Most of the audience scoffed and booed at the screen and their sad minute of shame, I laughed at them. I can recognize synesthesia when I see it. which made me gape, schizophrenia and synesthesia? poor guy, amazing guy, I mean, just WOW!!

For those of you who didn’t know, synesthesia is one of my favorite things in the world, while not synesthetic myself, I really appreciate a nice story with it. (Freddie Highmore, my favorite actor, is rumored to play a synesthtic boy in a film adaptation of Beautiful Miscellaneous)

Anyway, The soloist, the plot is a but weak, the acting is AMAZING, the going is slow and the movie is a tad long, but you must, MUST go and see it!!

Cultural Assumptions

While reading my old textbook for English 101, I found a section in it about what the author calls “Cultural Assumptions” that is things that we take for granted.
The examples she gives are:

1-Communities accept us for who we are
2-True love conquers all, and
3-Entertainment is just for fun

I don’t know about anyone else, but I never believed these things.

Communities accept you as long as you provide them with the sense of dominance or a reason to admire you or a sense of assistance. That is, that people will accept you in a community as long as you make them feel like they can be in control, they can count on you for help or you remind them of what you want to accomplish or what you have accomplished.

True love, what the fuck is “true love”? I love you, you love me too? How do you even define that? if it is the willingness to sacrifice everything for a person because you love them, then it does not conquer all. Because I have been willing to do anything to help a person I loved, and it was all for nothing. So I don’t believe that. They’re too many factors for True Love to even be able to gain a foothold in our lives.

“The soap operas, the fairy tales, they all lie, True Love does not conquer all”- Anita Blake.

Entertainment is just for fun.

huh? It may start out that way, but int he end you always take away something with you always. Whether it be a “Never do that again” or a “the relationship between Catherine and Heathcliff reminds me of my relationship with Daniel” or even a “can a Demon be hurt by fire?” which is at least a stray thought that may invoke more thinking. It might of been fun, but you noticed something, something stayed with you. And that is more than just “fun”

Why anything with Nature vs Nurture should be Immedietly Ignored.

In English, we read this very interesting article by Evolutionary Biologist Olivia Judson, and naturally, almost no one actually read it. I strongly believe that the teacher might not have read the article herself, because she really let the entire class move in a completely different direction than the article led. She began with the idea of Nature (Biology) and Nurture (Environmental) and that amused me, because i personally don’t believe in the idea or Nature vs Nurture, to me, setting up that distinction is similar if not identical to calling water and the plant opposing beings, rather than synergetic beings, of course, people still do the entire Fifty-Fifty argument, where they still separate both entities.

The discussion ignored the article’s idea of complimentary situations and moved into a rather boring and insanely repetitive and completely moronic discussion of Nature vs Nurture. The general consensus was proposed by one of the girls in my group and that was perhaps what shut me off to the entire discussion to begin with. She said that she did not see the point  of the women’s lib movement, because she really did not believe in the entire “women’s power” movement, she used a somewhat negative phrase that i purposefully forgot. But that sentiment, that men are just better at things and therefore deserve the larger salary, and that women were just better mothers and quote “rule and think with their emotions, while men do not” was prevalent in the entire discussion all while saying that there was nothing more to be done in women’s lib.

At this point i made a completely unintelligible sound in the back of my throat and had to restrain myself because i really wanted to yell at her. I really could explain what is wrong with that, but i think everyone understands.

I think that now, i really hate that class, and mainly because of the people in it. They seem to be incredibly stupid and i hope that i never eve3r have to see them again in my life. Luckily, class only meets nine more times this semester!!!

Environment affects the outcome of the entire biological process, and that biological process is likewise affecting the environment in which its housed.It reminds me of the book by Judith Rich Harris’s about the effect of parenting, where people generally believe that parenting has an effect on the raising of their children.

Long Time Gone.

Its seems that as soon as Heroes was over I stopped blogging and then, today, one day Before Fugitive’s starts, I come back.

Well, I have a reason for that, I’ve been busy, terribly terribly busy.

My life has been yanked out of its cyclical routine and I was completely dazed and lost, and forgot to come here. It’s a new semester you see, and it looks like, unlike last semester, this one is going to be GOOD!!

I am taking six classes, a full eighteen credit hours, and across three campuses too: One at Downtown, Two at West and three in Main. Which means that I’ve become very familiar with the new Light Rail and the Shuttles that ASU provides.

So this semester I’m taking:

STP 226: Elements of Statistics, which seems fun and I am enjoying, strange, because I usually hate math.

ASM 455: Primate Behavior Lab, which rocks!!! Because Dr. Nash is the instructor and its already a major challenge, making it my hardest class this semester.

ASB 102, because I got bored last semester and failed it. This semester I have a good teacher and the classroom is not full of idiots.

SPA 413: Advanced Spanish Grammar, and yes I very much like it.

SPA 426: Spanish Literature from 1700 to Present, which seems like it will be very interesting, plus the teacher is way smart, and a tad bitchy.

ENG 102: Composition, because I finally finished 101! Yay!!

I’ve also discovered that my much planned and expected trip to London may not work out, because I have no money, well, I have money, just not enough, Britain will have to wait for me, unless I can talk people into giving me money. And a lot of it, right now I’m a whole two thousand dollars short. I may have to find another way for getting the hell out of America. I will try and I swear I will go to London soon, maybe in the Summer if I can find those 2k’s or the Fall semester.

I went to see Underworld: Rise of the Lycans and loved it!! I also went to see Slumdog Millionaire, and I absolutely loved it (they will each get a post later on, after Heroes: Fugitives ep. 1)

The Borders closest to me closed about five hours ago, permanently. I am very, very sad and require coffee to cheer me up. 😦

I’ve read more of Le Guin’s Works, including The Tombs of Atuan, Very Far Away From Anywhere Else, Gifts, and I’m working on The Telling, Changing Planes and The Word for World is Forest.

Oh and January 20 was one of the HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!! PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!!!!

I was very pleased when he cut salaries and finally closed Gitmo! It looks as if America will finally grow a backbone and start respecting Human and Civil Rights. I was disappointed when Obama replied to Hugo Chavez’s congratulations by saying that he (Chavez) was impeding progress in South America, in fact, I’m still pissed at Obama for that, he really needs to stop making the same shitty mistakes that Bush made by pissing off Latin America.

For now, that’s all because it’s very late, or very early depends on how you look at it, either way i WANT COFFEE!!!!